The thoughts running your life aren’t even true

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The thoughts running your life aren’t even true

Learn to observe thoughts without being controlled by them. Week 3 of mindfulness for men.

Hi

Today we’re talking about the thoughts that have been running your life—and why you don’t have to believe all of them.

This week, I’ve created a meditation on observing thoughts without getting lost in them. It’s 15 minutes of practicing the skill that changed everything for me: recognizing that thoughts are just mental events, not facts.

Keep reading for the link.

Last week we explored how your body holds stress you can’t feel. This week, we’re going deeper into the mind itself—and the thousands of thoughts it generates every day, most of them unhelpful.

THE HAMSTER WHEEL I COULDN’T SEE

Three years into being a GP, I was drowning.

Tasks came at me thick and fast, from every direction:

Patients: “Can you call the hospital for me? Can you squeeze me in? Can you write this letter?”

Reception: “Can you sign this? Answer this query? See this urgent patient?”

Colleagues: “Can you cover my shift? Can you review this case? Can you help with this?”

Students: “Can you complete this form? Supervise this? Sign off that?”

Never ending.

And I never said no.

I just did it. Rushing from one task to the next, each one feeling urgent, each one feeling like something I had to do.

But here’s the thing: there was a colleague who worked the same job, same practice, same patients.

They very rarely got asked to do extra things.

At the time, I thought they were just lucky. Or maybe people didn’t like them as much. Or maybe they were somehow less capable, so people didn’t ask.

It was only later—in therapy, burned out, forced to stop—that I realized the truth:

They had a choice. And so did I.

They chose to say no. To protect their boundaries. To act in a way that—while still being kind and professional—made it clear they weren’t available for everything.

They were actually a lovely person. They just didn’t operate the way I did.

And me? I’d created a loop:

Do more → Get asked for more → Do more → Get asked for more

A never-ending vortex I couldn’t see I was in.

THE THOUGHTS THAT KEPT ME THERE

But why couldn’t I say no?

Because of the thoughts running through my head, constantly:

“If I don’t do this, patients will suffer.”

“If I say no, they’ll think I’m not a team player.”

“I should be able to handle this. Other people manage. Why can’t I?”

“If I don’t help, I’m letting people down.”

“I’m not good enough if I can’t do it all.”

These thoughts felt like facts. Like truths about the world. Like accurate reflections of reality.

So I believed them. And I acted on them. Every single time.

And the more I did, the more tasks came my way. The more I rushed. The more I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water.

The problem wasn’t just the workload.

The problem was I’d become addicted to reacting and doing.

I couldn’t stop. Even outside work, I was skittish. Overthinking everything. Mentally racing through tasks, conversations, scenarios.

Sitting still felt impossible. My mind was always three steps ahead, planning, worrying, rehearsing.

I was so entrenched in the whole thing, I couldn’t see it was a choice.

THE MOMENT I COULD FINALLY SEE

Then I burned out.

I had to step away from the GP environment entirely. And for the first time in years, I wasn’t in that system.

No patients asking. No colleagues needing. No endless stream of tasks.

And you know what I realized?

I didn’t actually need to be rushing about.

I could move at a different pace. I could choose what to do and what not to do. I could watch my internal thoughts without automatically believing them or acting on them.

That thought—“If I don’t do this, patients will suffer”—wasn’t a fact. It was just a thought.

That thought—“I’m not good enough if I can’t handle everything”—wasn’t the truth. It was just my mind doing what minds do: generating stories, warnings, judgments.

The difference between being lost in thought and simply noticing thought? That’s everything.

YOUR MIND IS A THOUGHT FACTORY

Here’s what neuroscience tells us: Your brain generates somewhere between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day.

Most of them are:

  • Repetitive (80% are thoughts you had yesterday)
  • Negative (80% have a negative bias)
  • Unhelpful (most don’t serve you)

Your mind is a thought factory. It’s constantly producing thoughts—about the past, the future, yourself, others, what could go wrong, what you should have done.

This isn’t a bug. It’s a feature.

Your Default Mode Network is trying to keep you safe by constantly scanning for threats, mistakes, problems.

But here’s the critical part: Just because a thought shows up doesn’t mean it’s true.

And just because it feels urgent doesn’t mean you have to act on it.

THOUGHTS ARE WEATHER, NOT REALITY

Imagine you’re standing at a bus stop.

Buses come and go. Some are express buses. Some are local. Some are going to places you want to go. Some aren’t.

You don’t have to get on every bus.

You can watch them arrive, note where they’re going, and choose whether to board.

Thoughts are the same.

They come and go. Some feel urgent. Some feel true. Some feel like they’re about to drive off without you if you don’t ACT NOW.

But you don’t have to get on every one.

The thought “If I don’t respond to this email right now, something terrible will happen”—that’s a bus.

The thought “I’m failing at everything”—that’s a bus.

The thought “Everyone else has it together; I’m the only one struggling”—that’s a bus.

You can watch these buses arrive. You can notice them. You can even acknowledge: “Ah, there’s the ‘I’m not good enough’ bus again.”

And then you can choose not to get on.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR THOUGHTS

There’s a version of you that’s thinking.

And there’s a version of you that’s watching the thinking.

When you’re lost in thought, you ARE the thinker. The thought “I’m not good enough” becomes “I AM not good enough.” You’ve fused with the thought. You and the thought are one.

But when you step back—even slightly—you become the observer.

The thought “I’m not good enough” becomes “I’m noticing the thought that I’m not good enough.”

That tiny shift? That’s freedom.

You’re no longer at the mercy of every thought your mind generates.

COGNITIVE FUSION VS. DEFUSION

Psychologists call this cognitive fusion—when you’re so blended with your thoughts that you can’t see them as separate from you.

Cognitive defusion is the opposite—creating space between you and your thoughts so you can see them for what they are: mental events, not facts.

This isn’t about positive thinking. It’s not about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

It’s about recognizing that thoughts are just thoughts.

Some are helpful. Some aren’t. But none of them are gospel truth.

THE QUESTION THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

Here’s the question I learned to ask:

“Is this thought helpful right now?”

Not “Is it true?” Because your mind will argue that it IS true, and you’ll spiral.

But “Is it helpful?”

The thought “If I don’t answer this email immediately, everything will fall apart”—is that helpful? Or is it just anxiety talking?

The thought “I should be able to handle more than this”—is that helpful? Or is it just your inner critic trying to whip you into shape?

Sometimes thoughts ARE helpful. The thought “I need to eat lunch” when you’re hungry? Helpful.

But most of the thoughts that create suffering? They’re not helpful. They’re just noise.

THIS WEEK’S PRACTICES

PRIMARY PRACTICE: THOUGHT OBSERVATION MEDITATION (15 MINUTES)

This week’s meditation teaches you to sit with your breath and observe thoughts as they arise—without following them, without fighting them, just noticing them.

You’ll practice:

  • Watching thoughts come and go
  • Labeling them: “planning,” “worrying,” “judging,” “remembering”
  • Letting them pass like clouds in the sky
  • Returning to your breath when you realize you’ve been swept away

👉 Listen to your free Thought Observation meditation on Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com/mensmindgp/guided-meditations/thought-observation-for-men-watching-without-getting-lost

Search for “Dr Ed Rainbow” on the Insight Timer app to find all my guided meditations.

The goal isn’t to stop thinking. That’s impossible. The goal is to notice when thinking has taken over—and gently come back.

MICRO-PRACTICE: THOUGHT NOTING

Throughout the day, when you notice a strong or repetitive thought, practice this:

Instead of: “I’m not good enough”

Say to yourself: “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough.”

That’s it. Just add those six words: “I’m having the thought that…”

This tiny linguistic shift creates distance. It reminds you that you are not your thoughts. You are the person having the thoughts.

CHANGE ONE THING THIS WEEK

When you catch yourself in a worry spiral or harsh self-judgment, pause and ask:

“Is this thought helpful right now?”

Not “Is it true?” Just “Is it helpful?”

If the answer is no, you don’t have to follow it. You can notice it, acknowledge it (“There’s that thought again”), and let it pass.

You don’t have to get on every bus.

WHAT’S NEXT

Next week, we’ll explore what to do when discomfort shows up—and why trying to avoid it makes everything worse.

Until then, practice watching your thoughts like weather passing through.

Be kind to yourself. You’re doing better than you think.

Ed

P.S. The thoughts that feel most true—the ones you’ve believed for years—those are often the ones most worth questioning. Just because you’ve been thinking something for a long time doesn’t make it fact.

MORE ARTICLES YOU’LL FIND HELPFUL

Here are some pieces I’ve written that explore these topics further:

REFERENCES:

Kabat-Zinn, J., Full Catastrophe Living, 2013 revised edition, Bantam Books

Hayes, S.C., Strosahl, K.D., & Wilson, K.G., Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change, 2011, Guilford Press

Beck, A.T., Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders, 1976, International Universities Press

Killingsworth, M.A. & Gilbert, D.T., “A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind,” Science, 2010, Vol. 330, p.932

Tseng, J. & Poppenk, J., “Brain meta-state transitions demarcate thoughts across task contexts exposing the mental noise of trait neuroticism,” Nature Communications, 2020, Vol. 11, Article 3480

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