The question my therapist asked that changed how I see the world
Week 2 of the Enhanced Processing Series
Last week I shared my discovery that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person—or as I prefer to call it, someone with enhanced processing.
I also shared the assessment I created to help you understand your own processing style.
Here’s what happened: 7 out of 10 people who took it scored as either High Enhanced Processing or Very High Enhanced Processing.
Exactly as I suspected. My audience is largely people like me. You’re drawn to how I write and what I share because we’re wired similarly. We process the world more deeply than most.
One reader—let’s call him James—wrote back:
“Just a quick email to say that I took the High Performance Processing Assessment, and came out with a score of 66 – Very High Performance Processing.
I think the great thing about things like this, is it helps to know that there are other men who experience the world this way and that you’re not alone. I struggle with parties and my Mrs loves them. In some ways, it’s a blessing having a disability as it helps with a reason to leave early.”
If you’re reading this—thank you. That line about knowing you’re not alone? That’s exactly why I’m writing this series.
Several of you wrote back asking: “But WHY? What’s actually happening in my brain?”
Here’s what the science shows.
The Biology Is Real
This isn’t “in your head”—it’s literally IN your head.
Brain imaging studies show that highly sensitive people have actual, measurable differences in brain activation:
- Greater activity in the insula (the brain’s integration center for inner states, emotions, and awareness)
- More active mirror neurons (creating enhanced empathy capacity)
- Stronger responses in areas tied to reflective thinking and emotional processing
- Deeper cognitive processing before making decisions
In other words: your brain literally works harder to process information.
Which explains a lot, doesn’t it?
Why you come home depleted after a normal day.
Why criticism lands harder and stays longer.
Why you need recovery time others don’t seem to need.
Why you notice things others miss—and why that can be both gift and exhausting.
The DOES Framework
Researchers describe this through four characteristics. I’m going to translate them into language that actually makes sense for us.
D – Depth of Processing / Deliberate Decision-Making
What it means: You analyze more angles, consider more consequences before acting.
Why it happens: Your brain automatically relates new information to past experience, looking for patterns and implications.
The upside: Better long-term decisions, fewer impulsive mistakes.
The challenge: Takes longer. Others think you’re “overthinking.”
My example:
We recently had to use a new online pharmacy for some of my testosterone prescribing for clients. This new system doesn’t let admin complete the basic details—only the doctors can.
I was about to just share my email and password login with the admin team, when I realized that it would look like the admin team were signing prescriptions. Illegal. I could lose my license to practice. Bad move.
So I just took the hit and did the admin myself.
Most people wouldn’t have processed through those implications. I couldn’t NOT see them.
O – Overstimulation / System Overload
What it means: You hit your limit faster in chaotic, intense environments.
Why it happens: Processing MORE information means wearing out sooner.
The upside: Early warning system for problems others miss.
The challenge: Others don’t understand why you’re “tired already.”
My example:
I was at a mental health summit in London 2 weeks ago. It was loud, noisy, people were being friendly and chatty. Too much for me. My gut tensed. I felt a bit sick.
So I sat outside the main room.
Naturally, some of the other introverts came to speak to me out there. I made some great new connections and preserved my energy.
I didn’t force myself to endure the overwhelm. I found my optimal operating level.
E – Emotional Reactivity / Emotional Intelligence
What it means: You feel positive and negative experiences more intensely.
Why it happens: Enhanced empathy circuits, more active mirror neurons, higher stress hormones in response to stimuli.
The upside: Deep connections, read people accurately, leadership advantage.
The challenge: Criticism lands harder. Others’ pain affects you more.
What the research shows:
Highly sensitive children have higher levels of stress hormones in new situations—what psychologist Jerome Kagan called “behavioral inhibition.”
I was that child. Petrified to leave my mum’s side, particularly at parties. Upset very easily. Shy. Sensitive. I couldn’t sleep on my own for years—I’d wake up and go sleep next to mum.
The label I heard: “He’s just very sensitive.”
What nobody understood: my nervous system was processing every emotional cue in the room, every facial expression, every tone shift. No wonder I needed to stay close to the one person who felt safe.
That “flaw” from childhood? It’s the same wiring that now allows me to read a room in seconds, sense what a patient isn’t saying, understand my kids’ emotions before they can articulate them.
The biology hasn’t changed. I’ve just learned to manage it—and use it.
S – Sensing Subtleties / Pattern Recognition
What it means: You notice details others miss—environmental, emotional, situational.
Why it happens: Lower threshold for detecting changes and patterns.
The upside: Quality control, innovation, deep empathy.
The challenge: Can’t “unsee” things. Easily distracted by details others ignore.
My example:
I was speaking to a close female friend recently. We were catching up about families. After half an hour, she very subtly alluded to “the thing with the eating.”
I asked if she wanted to talk about the eating.
She told me about her anorexia and her relationship breakdown, how she was having treatment and feeling terrible.
Our relationship deepened massively there.
Most people would have missed that subtle cue. Or ignored it. I couldn’t.
The Evolutionary Advantage
Here’s what matters: this trait is found in 20-30% of the population across over 100 species.
It’s not a disorder. It’s a documented survival strategy.
The “pause and check” behavior before acting. The depth of processing. The heightened awareness. These are complementary strategies in populations—high sensitivity plus standard sensitivity makes groups stronger.
In the modern world, your depth of processing is a competitive advantage in complexity. You see what others miss. You think through what others rush past. You build relationships others can’t access.
The challenge is that Western culture—particularly for men—doesn’t value this. We’re told to “toughen up,” “stop overthinking,” “just push through.”
But you can’t push through your neurology. You can only learn to work with it.
Why This Matters
Understanding the “why” changes everything.
It explains the burnout pattern I kept hitting—system overload I couldn’t name.
It explains why “just push through” doesn’t work—it’s biology, not weakness.
It explains why I need recovery time others don’t—I’m processing MORE.
It explains why my strengths and struggles cluster together—same wiring, different contexts.
I’m not managing a personality flaw. I’m operating different equipment.
And here’s what I’ve learned over the past few months:
I am different, special, and need to treat myself like this.
I am not a cog, and if you make me be one, I will become depressed, or give up.
I am me. I am doing my best. I am good enough.
That’s become a mantra.
I shape my life with my interests. Each decision conscious, careful, but still allowing for spontaneity and creativity. It may not make sense from the outside, but on the inside, that’s where it counts.
More good days than bad. That hasn’t happened for years. Something to celebrate.
Here’s What I’m Doing About This
I’m creating a private WhatsApp group for high-performance processors—professional men who understand they’re wired differently and want to build lives that work WITH that wiring, not against it.
But here’s the entry requirement: you need to complete the assessment first.
Why? Because this group is specifically for those who score in the High Enhanced (39-56) or Very High Enhanced (57-70) ranges. It’s a space for men who genuinely process at this level to share strategies, support each other, and figure this out together.
If you haven’t taken the assessment yet: Take the 3-minute assessment here
If you’ve scored 39+: I’ll be inviting you via email next week. Looking forward to creating a high-performing space for us all.
This is for the 7 out of 10. The ones who are navigating similar challenges. The ones who finally have language for why they’re different.
What’s Next
Next week: the practical part.
How do you actually manage system overload without burning out? What does “strategic recovery” look like in real life? And how do you explain this to others without sounding like you’re making excuses?
That’s next week.
More soon,
Ed
P.S. For those of you in helping professions—understanding DOES explains why we’re both drawn to this work AND at high risk for compassion fatigue. We process others’ emotions deeply (E), notice subtle distress cues (S), and can’t help but think through all the consequences (D). Which leads straight to system overload (O).
The WhatsApp group I’m building? It’s specifically for high-performance processors in demanding roles who need to figure out sustainable ways to operate. If that’s you and you scored 39+, watch for the invitation next week.
Catch up with the first blog of this series about Enhanced Processing.
Take the 3-minute assessment here
REFERENCES
ASSESSMENT LINK – https://ed-3iahyjc8.scoreapp.com
BRAIN IMAGING RESEARCH
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3277923/
Study on neural activation patterns in highly sensitive people
ELAINE ARON’S RESEARCH
https://hsperson.com/research/
Overview of sensory processing sensitivity research
JEROME KAGAN BEHAVIORAL INHIBITION
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3632810/
Research on behavioral inhibition and stress hormones in children
GENERAL HSP INFORMATION
https://hsperson.com
Dr. Elaine Aron’s official website on high sensitivity
Aron, E. N., & Aron, A. (1997). Sensory-processing sensitivity and its relation to introversion and emotionality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(2), 345-368.
Kagan, J. (2012). The biography of behavioral inhibition. In M. Zentner & R. Shiner (Eds.), Handbook of Temperament (pp. 69-82). Guilford Press.
Acevedo, B. P., Aron, E. N., Aron, A., Sangster, M. D., Collins, N., & Brown, L. L. (2014). The highly sensitive brain: an fMRI study of sensory processing sensitivity and response to others’ emotions. Brain and Behavior, 4(4), 580-594.