“Do You Process the World Differently?” | Week 1
The question my therapist asked that changed how I see the world
As regular readers will know, I had a prolonged period of burnout nearly 7 years ago now. It led me to greatly change my lifestyle, my work, my self-understanding.
Overall, it’s been a great change. I’m much happier and healthier
But here’s the problem: the burnout symptoms kept returning.
There was a similar period at the start of this summer which led me to stop doing this work and place the emphasis on recovery. But I was stuck. I didn’t know what else to do. I’d already changed everything I thought needed changing.
So I went looking for what I was missing.
A friend of mine—someone who had a frankly horrendous upbringing—was doing EMDR therapy to try and unpick things he couldn’t or wasn’t able to talk about. Hidden memories which were too much to bear.
My question to myself: did I have these? Was there something more which I couldn’t put my finger on?
(I’m going to park the EMDR here and come back to it in a future email—there was a twist coming which I didn’t expect.)
I found a local therapist who specialized in this approach. As we spoke about the difficulties, she did some thinking and gave me various bits of homework.
One of which was: “Are you a Highly Sensitive Person?”
Now, I’m going to be honest with you.
I had only vaguely heard this term before, and hadn’t really looked into it.
After all, which man wants to be called sensitive?
But as I read through the characteristics, something extraordinary happened. It really resonated:
- The need to hide away after a busy day? Yes.
- Being affected by others’ emotions? Yes.
- Being conscientious? Yes.
- Sensitive to caffeine? Yes.
- Getting annoyed easily if others get me to do many things at once? Yes.
On and on this went. About 90% seemed true for me.
I spoke to my mum about it too.
“You were always very sensitive,” she said. “Very shy.”
Here’s what I learned:
The initial idea is this: genetics essentially allow us to filter the world differently.
We never comprehend all the information coming in through all our senses—but some of us experience more of it than others. And can be adversely affected by it.
Thinking about my life—noisy trains, children who are easily upset, bone-aching exhaustion—it all could fit within that picture.
As I read the key text on this (by Elaine Aron – The Highly Sensitive Person), she described various stories of people being bullied and abused, taken advantage of, hurt in various ways.
It seemed like this was not an easy life.
But then…
She described the people who had worked it out.
People who had found a life that worked for them: work which was stimulating, under their control. Time to create, be free, spend alone, rest and recover. Where they weren’t trying to be someone else.
And I thought: maybe this is the missing piece.
Maybe the reason I keep hitting these walls isn’t because I’m doing something wrong. Maybe it’s because I’m wired to process the world differently than most people—and I’ve been trying to operate on their settings.
Here’s what the research says:
About 20-30% of the population has this trait. It’s found in over 100 species. It’s not a disorder or a weakness—it’s a documented survival strategy.
Brain imaging studies show that highly sensitive people have:
- Greater activation in areas tied to awareness and consciousness
- Enhanced activity in regions responsible for empathy and emotional processing
- Deeper cognitive processing before making decisions
In other words: your brain literally works harder to process information.
Which explains a lot, doesn’t it?
Why you come home depleted after a normal day at work. Why your kids’ noise affects you more than it seems to affect other parents. Why you need recovery time that others don’t seem to need. Why criticism lands harder and stays longer. Why you notice things others miss—and why that can be both a gift and exhausting.
Now, if you’re reading this and thinking “that sounds like me”…
I’ve created a quick assessment to help you understand your own processing style.
It takes about 3 minutes and will give you clarity on whether you’re in the 20-30% who experience the world this way.
Take the High-Performance Processing Assessment
(And yes, I know the term “highly sensitive” isn’t exactly compelling for most men. Which is why I’m calling it “enhanced processing” or “high-performance processing” instead. Because that’s what it actually is—a nervous system that takes in more data and processes it more deeply.)
What’s coming in this series:
Over the next few weeks, I’m going to share what I’ve learned about:
- The science behind why your brain works this way (Week 2)
- How to manage system overload without burning out (Week 3)
- Why your emotional awareness is actually a competitive advantage (Week 4)
- What your partner needs to understand about how you’re wired (Week 5)
- How to build a life that works WITH your processing style, not against it (Week 6)
This has been genuinely transformative for me. Not because it fixes anything—but because it finally gives me the operating manual I needed.
Two questions for you:
- Does any of this resonate?
- Have you been trying to operate on the wrong settings?
If so, start with the assessment. It’ll give you clarity.
And if you’ve already taken it—hit reply and let me know what you discovered. I’d genuinely like to know.
More next week,
Ed
P.S. I suspect that a great many men in helping professions—doctors, therapists, coaches—share this trait. We’re drawn to work that requires deep empathy and awareness. But we’re also at high risk for burnout because we haven’t understood how our nervous systems work differently.
And I suspect a great number of you reading this may be HSP yourselves—perhaps drawn to how I write and come across. If that’s you, I’d really encourage you to take a look at the assessment.