“When I Crashed, Acceptance Was the Only Thing That Worked”

I’ve had a painful week or two mental health wise, but I’ve been finding one tool more helpful that most – Acceptance. It sounds woolly, and can make people angry, but I think there is real beauty in this practice. Read on to hear my reflect on my experiences, take a look at the science and make a couple of gentle suggestions.

When It All Catches Up

It’s times like this I feel like a total hypocrite.

Writing an email about mental health for men when, honestly, the last couple of weeks have been hard. Really hard.

I’d been unwell recently—physically and emotionally. There was a virus that dragged on longer than it should have. A close friend died suddenly by suicide. Another friend survived a cardiac arrest. I know—sounds like the plot of a soap opera. But these things have an effect, and drain. And they don’t ask if you’ve got the time or emotional space to deal with them.

When “Being Better” Turns Into Overdrive

The strange thing is—I’ve actually felt a lot better over the past couple of weeks prior. There’s been more laughter, more fun, more things to look forward to in my day.

But here’s what I’ve noticed: when I start to feel better, I also tend to go “all in.” I throw myself into whatever I’m doing. I get pulled deeper and deeper into the thing I’m working on—wanting to understand more, do more, help more. It feels good… until it doesn’t.

Because when I get absorbed like that, the healthy habits I know work for me—like the morning runs or meditation—start to slide. The ‘shoulds’ pile up. And sure, writing these emails is therapeutic for me, but when they come later than planned, there’s that little voice again saying, You’re slipping.

Then my body starts to ask for the repayment: exhaustion creeps in, conversations feel draining, my body feels prickly, my head heavy. Almost hungover—despite the fact I haven’t had a drink in over three years. My sleep becomes disrupted, my fuse shorter. It’s not pretty.

Is This Just… How I Work?

What I’m toying with right now is this: maybe I have a natural cycle. About a week-long rhythm where I feel energised, then slower. Up, then down. It’s been fairly consistent for a while now.

There’s even a name for this pattern: Cyclothymia—a milder form of mood fluctuation. I’m not saying that’s exactly what I have, but reading about it has made me pause and think, maybe this is part of who I am. And if it is—then maybe I need to go with it, rather than fight it.

The Turning Point: Acceptance

This is where acceptance comes in.

On a recent run, I found myself thinking, If this is me, then that’s OK.
The lows don’t need to be erased. They need to be acknowledged.
Because when I feel low, my instinct is to fight it. To get angry at it. To push through with more work. But the harder (and more useful) part is actually accepting what’s happening in the moment.

What the Science Says

Mindful acceptance is about letting things be as they are—without trying to control or avoid them. And the research backs this up:

Acceptance reduces emotional reactivity by encouraging us to see our experiences without judgment.
It allows us to let go of resistance, which paradoxically creates space for change.
Acceptance also strengthens self-compassion, a huge predictor of emotional resilience.

In a study published by Hayes et al. (2006), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) showed significant benefits for people struggling with chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional burnout.

Another study from Harvard’s Social Decision Lab found that those who practiced acceptance had lower levels of anxiety and better emotional regulation over time (Harvard, 2023).

A Familiar Story… With a Different Ending

There’s a client I worked with—James, a high-performing lawyer with a lovely family and a solid income. On paper, his life looked perfect. But he was stuck in the same push-crash cycle I’d been in.

He’d tried everything: supplements, exercise, strict routines. But nothing shifted the internal weight. What finally helped him was learning to reframe how he saw these “down” periods—not as failures, but as signals. Once he allowed himself to feel what he was actually feeling, he started to sleep better, felt less reactive, and reconnected with his family.

Five Ways to Practice Acceptance Today

If any of this resonates, and you’re wondering how to take a small step right now, here are five simple, research-backed practices you can try:

Notice what’s really happening — without the spin.
When you feel lost in your own thoughts, frustration, or anger—just stop. Put your feet flat on the floor. Feel the contact. Take one breath. Then name what’s happening: “This is exhaustion,” “This is sadness,” “This is frustration.” Naming the emotion activates a different part of the brain that helps reduce its power and gives you a little breathing space.
Drop the good/bad labels.
We all want to feel “better”—but labeling your current experience as wrong or bad often makes it worse. Instead, try sitting with whatever you’re feeling, and say to yourself, “This is what’s here right now.” You don’t have to approve of it—but resisting it rarely helps.
Stop the internal fight.
If there’s a part of your day you’re dreading—or a feeling you’re trying to suppress—just take a few deep breaths and say internally, “I don’t have to like this, but I’m willing to let it be here.” That shift alone can reduce stress and make the feeling pass more quickly.
Try this guided mindfulness meditation daily.
I’ve been recommending this 10-minute YouTube mindfulness meditation to patients and friends. It’s gentle, grounding, and helps train the mind to sit with discomfort without needing to change it. Try doing it every day for two weeks—don’t aim for perfection, just consistency.
Read one of the best practical guides on this.
Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Full Catastrophe Living is a powerful (and readable) book that unpacks mindfulness, stress, and acceptance in real-life terms. Even a chapter or two can change how you see thing

Work with what’s happening now

I don’t write this from a place of having it all figured out.
I’m still navigating the cycle myself. Still catching myself when I start sprinting through the week without stopping to breathe.

But I am learning that acceptance doesn’t mean giving up.
It means choosing not to waste energy fighting who I am.

Want to Explore This for Yourself?

If you’re stuck in the same loop—high-performing on the outside, worn down inside—this might be a good place to start.

You can book a free 1:1 call with me here. It’s a chance to explore one thing that’s been weighing on your mind, and see what working together might look like:

👉 Click here for a free men’s mind call

Until next week

Best wishes

References

Hayes, S. C., et al. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behavior Research and Therapy.
Harvard Social Decision Lab – Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Non-Judgment: https://sdlab.fas.harvard.edu
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2013). Full Catastrophe Living.
Mindfulness Muse: Acceptance in ACT – https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com
Russ Harris. Acceptance Tools – https://www.actmindfully.com.au