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Processing Loss and Moving Forward

Following last week’s discussion on my friend’s passing by suicide and reflections on grief, I want to share some personal insights on how I’ve been trying to come to terms with what has happened. Grieving can be complex and deeply personal, and through my experience, I’ve learned what has helped—and what has made the process more difficult.

The Issue: Coping with Loss and Self-Dependency

One of the biggest challenges I faced was falling back into self-dependency—feeling like I should be able to handle everything on my own. I slipped into the role of the ‘hero,’ trying to support others in my friendship circle while neglecting my own needs. This lack of boundaries began creeping into my professional life, and I avoided seeking the help of a trained professional, convincing myself that I should know how to cope.

Why It Matters: The Hidden Impact

Ignoring our emotional needs can lead to long-term exhaustion, emotional detachment, and even worsening mental health issues. For me, it took some time to realize that I didn’t have to share my struggles with everyone, that feeling exhausted was a natural part of grief, and that I had been feeling depressed for months before my friend’s passing. This realization was crucial in understanding that mental health struggles require intentional action and support.

The Hidden Impact of Neurodivergent Conditions

As I reflected on my own struggles, I came to realize the significant impact of neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD and Autism, both for myself and possibly for my friend. Research shows that individuals with ADHD are at a higher risk of suicide, with ADHD combined with depression or anxiety increasing the risk by up to seven times, and ADHD with substance abuse doubling the risk. Additionally, studies reveal that 66% of adults with Autism have contemplated suicide, compared to 17% of the general population, with an Autism diagnosis associated with a sevenfold higher risk of suicide. Recognizing these risks can be crucial in understanding ourselves and seeking the right support when needed.

A Real-Life Perspective: My Journey So Far

Some things that helped me cope included journaling—writing out my thoughts and emotions to better understand them. I spoke to trusted friends who knew my friend, which provided comfort in shared grief. I also spoke to friends who didn’t know them, offering a different perspective and support. Meditating more deeply allowed me to observe my negative thoughts and grant myself permission to let them go. Additionally, resetting my healthy routines—exercise, sleep, diet, and caffeine intake—helped me regain stability.

Practical Solutions: Steps That Can Help You

If you’re facing a similar struggle, consider the following actionable steps:

  • Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can help you process emotions and gain clarity.
  • Talking to Trusted Friends: Whether they knew the person or not, conversations can provide valuable support.
  • Meditation and Mindfulness: These practices can help you manage negative thought patterns.
  • Re-establishing Healthy Routines: Small changes in your daily habits can have a significant impact.
  • Seeking Professional Help: Speaking to a trained professional or an advice line is something I still need to do and can be a crucial step for deeper healing.

Your Next Step:

This part is new for this week.  Some of the responses I get from readers like you are reflections on their own situation.  So, I’m going to try out some questions to get you thinking about your mental health.

What’s the next thing you want to do to improve your mental health, and why? 

What’s the easiest step you can take today? 

Email me – ed@mensmindgp.com and let me know—I’d love to hear from you and will respond to as many as I can.

Further Reading and Resources:

Take care and see you next week.

Ed

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