Finding Strength After Loss: My Path Through Grief and Healing
Two weeks ago, I was blindsided by devastating news: a close friend of mine, someone who had been like a mirror to my own life, died unexpectedly by suicide. Today, I’ll write about my initial reflections, what can go wrong if we don’t address it, and healthier approaches. to dealing with gried
My Struggles in the Wake of Grief
We hadn’t been as close in recent years, but our bond ran deep. We were alike in so many ways—driven, with a deep sense of wonder about life and a shared struggle with mental health challenges, while being the main earners for our young families. Losing them felt like losing a part of myself. It left me feeling all over the place—angry, confused, withdrawn, and consumed by a sense of loss and regret. I’ve found myself wrestling with these feelings and, at times, sinking into unhelpful patterns. But I’ve also started to recognize a way forward.
The shock of my friend’s death threw me into a whirlwind of reactions. My body felt tense and clenched, like I was bracing for impact. I became withdrawn and distant, seeking endless distractions but finding no meaning in them. My healthy routines—exercise, sleep, connecting with my family—crumbled under the weight of my emotions. Worse, I became irritable and short-tempered with those closest to me. I felt lethargic, lacking drive, and caught in a loop of wanting endless distractions but avoiding anything meaningful.
It was painfully reminiscent of when I lost my father at 16. Back then, I didn’t process my emotions; I simply numbed myself. I spent years stuck in a haze of disinterest and depression, wondering “what if” and blaming myself for things I couldn’t control. This time, though, I’m determined to face it differently.
The Cost of Avoidance and Quick Fixes
These reactions are more than just emotionally draining—they have real, tangible costs. Left unchecked, grief and stress can rob you of your physical health, your relationships, and your ability to perform at work. Over time, avoidance and anger can erode your connection with loved ones, leaving you isolated. For me, the hardest part was seeing how my withdrawal and frustration hurt my family.
It’s tempting to seek out quick distractions—scrolling endlessly on your phone, zoning out with TV, or throwing yourself into work. These coping mechanisms might offer temporary relief, but they don’t address the root of the pain. I’ve learned over years that trying to “tough it out” or suppressing emotions only prolongs the struggle and deepens the wounds.
A Framework to Understand Grief
A conversation with a mutual friend was the catalyst for change. We talked openly about our shared grief, and it reminded me of something profound: my emotional and behavioural reactions, as uncomfortable as they are, are normal—even necessary. Tools like the Kübler-Ross grief cycle have been invaluable in helping me understand where I am and how to move forward.
Here’s a deeper look at the stages:
- Denial: This stage can manifest as avoiding reality or focusing on what life was like before the loss. It’s a way of coping when the shock feels too much to handle.
- Anger: Feelings of frustration or blaming others can dominate. You may feel disconnected from reality and need to express your emotions to release the tension.
- Bargaining: This stage often involves “what if” or “if only” thinking. It’s a mental attempt to regain control or change the outcome through imagined scenarios.
- Depression: This phase is marked by deep sadness, withdrawal, and a sense of hopelessness. It’s the point where emotions catch up, and processing becomes unavoidable.
- Acceptance: Over time, you start to adapt to the new reality. It doesn’t mean forgetting the loss but finding ways to integrate it into life and make new connections.
How you can heal after grief
None of this is easy, but I’ve found the following help, why not try them out:
Speaking candidly with friends – hearing other’s perspectives against your own will make things seem & be easier
Journaling – just writing down to ‘Making sense’. At the start, I just couldn’t work out what had happened.
Allowing emotions to occur – however, they come out, this is fine. Accept it, don’t fight it
Telling others you are having a hard time – they don’t have to be supportive, but knowing you need some space can be enough.
A Brighter Tomorrow
Grief doesn’t have to define you or your future. By acknowledging your pain and giving it the attention it deserves, you can start to rebuild. Imagine waking up each day with a renewed sense of purpose, feeling connected to your family, and reclaiming the drive that once fueled you. This transformation is possible—not by avoiding the pain but by walking through it.
Take the First Step
If you’re struggling with grief or emotional overwhelm, I’m here to help. Let’s have a one-on-one conversation where we can explore your challenges and discuss how to move forward. Taking this step could be the start of reclaiming your life and well-being.
References
- Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying.
- Harvard Health Publishing. (2022). “Understanding Grief and Loss.”
- American Psychological Association. (2021). “The Importance of Processing Grief.”