The Mental Christmas Hangover (and what to do about it)
I feel pretty lousy today.
Tired. Annoyed by my family. Wanting space.
Do you feel drained after the holidays even though you “should” feel refreshed?
Why This Email Is Late
It’s now mid-January, and Christmas feels like ancient history. But here’s the thing – the effects of holiday burnout can be so draining that this is the first point I’ve been able to post this and get back to normal service.
That delay itself tells you something important about how deep this pattern can go.
On the last day of Christmas holidays, I sat down and wrote: “How has this happened?”
The “Should” vs The Reality
You’re supposed to feel recharged after time off, right? That’s what holidays are for.
But here’s what actually happened: I had very little time alone. Got to the allotment once. Christmas Day was draining. Boxing Day too. New Year’s Eve was doubly so – a party with very few people I knew, loud music, driving about in the dark. I was meant to go to another party at 10pm, but just fell asleep at home.
It has been cold. The cold makes me paranoid. The heating is on all the time.
The room I’m in feels like a total mess. There’s mess all over the desk.
And the screen time battles – watching someone you love watch 5-6 hours of Netflix a day, while another is on Roblox for similar amounts. It feels like I’m ‘policing’ continuously, and the only way to make them stop is to get angry. I don’t want this. I don’t want this role.
The Pattern I Keep Seeing
Writing this on that Sunday afternoon, I saw the same patterns as before. But I haven’t seen them so much recently, which makes it more jarring when they return.
The patterns of ‘harshness’ seem to come to the fore when I am stressed or overburdened.
I’m grappling with what ‘should’ be done – “I should be spending time with my family” – versus what my body and mind are telling me: “Take time to rest and recharge.”
This looks like headaches, tinnitus, fatigue and lack of motivation. These are the signals I missed for years. The body can’t speak with words, but the message is clear to me now. ‘Rest, now. Otherwise I’ll make it louder’
What I Know Now (That I Wish I’d Known Before)
This is where it gets interesting, and where the research on Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) – or what I call high-performance processors for the men I work with – really helped me understand what was happening.
Some of us process the world more deeply. We notice more. We feel more. We need more time alone to process it all.
I scored 39 out of 45 on the assessment – solidly in the high-performance processor range. You can take the same 3-minute assessment I created here: https://ed-3iahyjc8.scoreapp.com
When high-performance processors don’t get enough alone time, we don’t just get “tired” – we get overwhelmed, irritable, and our bodies start sending distress signals.
The cold weather, the constant social demands, the lack of solo time at the allotment – these weren’t just inconveniences. For someone wired like me, they were system overload.
The Shift
Here’s what happened when I gave myself space to reflect rather than pushing through:
I realized I actually started the holiday full of energy. This hasn’t happened in years.
I did spend quality time with my daughters and wife doing fun things – playing board games, watching films, cooking, dancing, listening to music.
I caught up with some close friends and arranged some things for January too.
I reviewed our finances – we’d broken even this year as a family despite spending more on hobbies and travel. This was a pleasant surprise.
I’ve been lifting weights at home, just some dumbbells. I didn’t think I’d enjoy this, but it’s become a nice start to the day.
And I’m doing this writing now. This discharges the distress I feel, emotionally, mentally.
The Real Question
It’s not “What should I be doing?”
It’s “What is my body telling me I need?”
For years, I ignored these signals. The headaches. The tinnitus. The fatigue. I pushed through because that’s what you’re supposed to do.
But “supposed to” nearly broke me.
Now I’m learning to ask different questions:
- What would help me feel restored?
- What does my nervous system actually need right now?
- How can I meet my needs AND stay connected to the people I love?
Systems Thinking
This pattern – the holiday crash, the irritability, the wanting space but feeling guilty about it – it doesn’t come from nowhere.
Many of us learned early that being “good” meant ignoring our own needs. That rest was laziness. That wanting time alone was selfish.
High-achievers are especially susceptible to this. We got praised for doing more, for pushing through, for being reliable. So we kept doing it, even when our bodies were screaming for a break.
The problem isn’t the holiday. It’s the lifetime of conditioning that makes us feel guilty for needing what we need, so we never learned to ask for it. To make our lives fit round us, rather than everyone else.
The Grounded Mind Programme
I’m currently recruiting 4 men for case studies in my new 1:1 programme, The Grounded Mind – designed specifically for high-achieving professional men struggling with burnout, stress, and mental health challenges.
If you’re reading this and thinking “this is exactly what I’m going through,” you might be a good fit.
Reply with ‘MIND’ and I’ll send you the details to see if we’re a match.
Change one thing:
Schedule 30 minutes of completely alone time today. No productivity. No “should.” Just space.
Go for a walk. Sit in a quiet room. Journal like I did that Sunday morning.
Your body knows what it needs. The question is whether you’re willing to listen.
Thank you for reading
Until next week
Ed
Related Posts:
- Are You a High-Performance Processor? Take the 3-minute assessment: https://ed-3iahyjc8.scoreapp.com
- Understanding Burnout Patterns: https://mensmindgp.com/early-signs-burnout-high-performing-men/
- Why High-Achievers Struggle with Rest: https://mensmindgp.com/workaholism-addiction-high-achieving-men-burnout-cycle/
- The Hero Phase (excellent on early-stage burnout): https://mensmindgp.com/the-burnout-you-never-saw-coming-why-the-hero-phase-is-more-dangerous-than-you-think/
- The Slow Fire Inside (great on hidden burnout): https://mensmindgp.com/the-slow-fire-inside-why-high-performing-men-are-burning-out-behind-closed-doors-and-how-to-catch-it-before-it-spreads/
References:
- Aron, E.N., The Highly Sensitive Person, Broadway Books, 1996
- Kabat-Zinn, J., Full Catastrophe Living, Bantam, 2013
- Van der Kolk, B., The Body Keeps the Score, Penguin, 2014