Are You Addicted to Achievement? The Hidden Addiction Destroying High-Achievers

This week’s email explores the uncomfortable truth about workaholism—when drive becomes dependency, and success becomes self-destruction. If you’ve ever wondered why rest feels impossible, this one’s for you.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Do We Want to See Our Flaws at All?

I’ve not written this email for a few weeks now. The truth is, I’ve had another period of burnout. Getting angry at my family, feeling on edge, tired, and falling into the old trap of ‘trying to do more’. The healthier habits slipped away—I remember not wanting to play badminton as I was tired and not enjoying it, and other exercise (running, cycling) all seemed to stop too.

Speaking with friends seemed like too much of an effort, or when I did, I resented them talking about their lives. ‘I really don’t care about you today!’ my brain cries out. Passivity and people-pleasing creep in, I just ‘do’ what my family want, and the resentment builds.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone in this cycle.

When Insight Vanishes: The Science of Getting “Stuck On”

What’s fascinating—and terrifying—is that during these burnout episodes, I seem to lose insight completely. What becomes important is doing more not less; being rigid, rather than flexible; angry rather than kind; self-hating rather than self-compassionate. I am ‘stuck on’ working mode.

Research shows that workaholism is associated with impaired health and well-being as well as conflicts between work and family life, but here’s what’s particularly alarming: workaholism was also associated with a significant increase in the odds of depression over time.

I have been through this cycle multiple times since my major period of burnout, depression and anxiety 6 years ago. The simplest thing to do I have found is stop everything I can & just rest. But, this is painfully hard too. It sets off all sorts of internal messages ‘You’re lazy, useless, pointless’ I will hear. These thoughts get ‘stuck on’ too. I fly into a rage really easily, for no reason. I’m surrounded by arguments (which I’m probably creating). I’m on edge, and quite depressed. I’m erratic, undependable.

The Uncomfortable Weight of Truth

Some point in this, I weigh myself. I’ve gained about 10kg somehow, being the most overweight I’ve ever been. We were on holiday for some of this time.

This got me wondering—is this an addiction? Workaholism, or just something greater?

The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as “a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry”. Looking at the addiction model:

Loss of control – the inability to stop a behaviour even when causing harm to yourself holistically (physical, mental, spiritual, social…)
Compulsiveness – persistent engagement with behaviour, despite the harm caused
Chronicity – lifelong with relapsing/remission states
Dis-ease state – Neurology, Genetics, Environment, Life Circumstances all play a role

Taking this model, I would say this is all true for me. Loss of control—the health-giving structure of my life fell away. Compulsiveness is the ‘stuck on’. Chronicity—yes, this has been going on for a long time.

The Checklist That Made My Stomach Drop

More worryingly, as I researched more into this, workaholism is made up of:

Excessive Hours: Working far beyond what is required, often on weekends, holidays, and late into the night
Compulsiveness: Feeling an irresistible drive to work, being unable to delegate, and thinking about work constantly
Loss of Control: Difficulty stopping or cutting back on work, even if one wants to, and working as a way to escape stress or negative emotions
Physical and Mental Health Issues: Sleep problems, weight gain, high blood pressure, physical pain, fatigue, anxiety, and depression. Burnout is common, as is irritability when unable to work
Impaired Relationships: Neglecting family, friends, and personal needs; relationships may suffer due to emotional or physical absence, defensiveness about work, or marital estrangement
Obsessive-Compulsive Traits: Persistent worries about work performance, perfectionism, fear of failure, and need for achievement or status
Escapism: Using work to avoid confronting personal problems, such as guilt, emotional distress, or major life events
Withdrawal: Feeling anxious, uncomfortable, or even physically ill during downtime, weekends, or vacations (sometimes called “leisure illness”)

There was a bit of a pit in my stomach as I read that list. A tick box for all of the above. But, it’s better to know. Through knowing, we can increase our awareness, and make changes. It’s the sign of a light at the end of the tunnel.

The Real Issue: Why Do We Stop Doing What Helps?

The real issue is why. I know what helps, so why stop doing it? There’s nothing simple here, just finding the ‘mix’. Mine (so far):

Work structure is disruptive to my health (travel, hours outside of my daily cycles)
A tendency to get ‘stuck on’
Neurodiverse—Dyslexia, ADHD, probably Autism also
People pleasing rather than meeting my own needs
Abandoning healthy behaviours for work
Drinking more (&more) coffee—caffeine drives the do-ing & the stress hormones
Compulsive eating
Isolation, working from home & online—it’s too hard to tell anyone, so I just ignore it
Lack of self-understanding (interoception). It can be hard to tell when I’m hungry, thirsty, stressed, worried. These signals are vague, and quickly ignored

My brain is telling me I’m a real mess as I write this! So we should add a lack of self-compassion to the list. There’s probably so much more, but I’ll revisit this with time.

Finding the Path Back: My Current Experiment

I find the writing of this therapeutic. Change one thing is a phrase I like. My changes have been over the past few weeks:

Rest (the hardest one)
Cut down caffeine
Reconnect with friends
Have time alone
Restorative things for me—meditating, piano playing

My current goal: Working on my own self-awareness over the next few weeks.

Recent research confirms that work-related factors (such as overwork culture and high job demands) are crucial, and importantly, workaholics do not perform better (but may well perform worse) than others.

Your Turn: The One Thing Challenge

So, my challenge for you is: Change one thing…

Not because you’re broken (though my brain tells me I am as I write this). Not because you need to be fixed. But because recognizing the pattern is the first step to breaking it.

Maybe it’s noticing when you lose insight. Maybe it’s catching yourself getting ‘stuck on’. Maybe it’s just acknowledging that the voice saying ‘you’re lazy, useless, pointless’ isn’t telling the truth.

What’s your one thing going to be? Email – ed@mensmindgp.com and let me know.

Want to Explore This Together?

If this resonates and you want to talk through your specific situation, I offer free 15-minute conversations to explore one problem. No sales pitch, just professional insight from someone who’s been through this cycle too many times.

Book your free conversation here

Remember: The fact that you’re reading this means you haven’t given up. That’s not nothing—that’s everything.

References:

Andreassen, C.S. (2014). Workaholism: An overview and current status of the research. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 3(1), 1-11.
American Society of Addiction Medicine. (2023). Definition of Addiction. Retrieved from ASAM.
Balducci, C. et al. (2024). Workaholism, work engagement, and affective commitment: relationships to self-concept levels and work outcomes. Frontiers in Psychology, 15.
Clark, M.A. et al. (2024). Workaholism: Taking Stock and Looking Forward. Annual Review of Organizational Psychology and Organizational Behavior, 11, 555-580.