Why men don’t get mind help
Today I’m going to be talking about men’s mental health, why it’s harder for men like you to seek and get help, and what some of the long term, non-drug solutions are. I’ll include some insights from my own difficulties, and what I’ve found to be helpful also. Let’s go after these two brief messages.
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1. Men and mental health & you – a big problem
There’s a problem with men accessing help about their mental health. According to research men are generally less like likely than women to seek help. Whilst there’s some evidence that’s improving, men have increasing levels of mental health problems and suicidal thoughts. The sharp end is that male suicide (UK) figures remains at approximately 5,000/year, as it has done for the last 20 years.
2. The current solutions don’t work
Five years ago I got burned out and severely depressed and anxious. Why? I took on more and more responsibility as a GP to provide for my family, I didn’t really recognise there was an issue, and I am a ‘strong, silent, self-reliant’ type. This all meant I reached the point that I couldn’t really do anything for several months, and felt suicidal on a daily basis.
Recognise any of this in you? Here’s three research based explanations – masculinity, coping and seeking help.
One area is ‘Negative Masculinity’. What I mean by this is the stigma, or unwritten rules about being a man make it harder for men to seek help. Men are more reluctant to admit something is wrong as this can undermine the ‘strong, silent, self-sufficient’ role model. Breaking from these unwritten rules makes us feel very uncomfortable, too much so to do it.
Another reason is coping mechanisms. Men are more likely to distract themselves from distress, typically through alcohol or drugs, or increasingly porn, but this can also be through risky behaviours like speeding or getting into fights. Unfortunately, all of these negatively affect our hormones like Testosterone and Dopamine, and make it more likely an addiction or dependency can occur, making the problems worse.
A third reason is even if you go to doctor, you may only reveal certain information such as anger or alcohol, but hide other issues like depression or suicidality. The doctor themselves may have limited understanding of all of these issues, which can lead to mis-labelling the problem.
3. You need solutions that work
So, how do you fix these issues and make it easier for men like you to seek help?
Firstly, we need to move towards a model of positive masculinity. This isn’t easy, but I believe we can turn some of these traits on their heads.
Look for your reasons for improving your mental health, and use these to motivate you. For example, being strong comes from seeking help, so you can be a good dad, brother or son. Being self-sufficient is to learn about yourself, mental health and how to improve, so get out there and learn about mental health, and try new things. Having role models who talk openly about mental health is also needed, take a look at my own experiences.
Second, you need better coping mechanisms. You need to learn new ones to replace the old. One thing I strongly encourage is increasing self-awareness. I have increasedmy own self-awareness gradually over time (5 years and counting!) has helped me massively. I learned to meditate via apps like Headspace. It has helped me observe my own thoughts, and recognised that I’m distressed. This has meant I make better choices. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, than eating junk food or reaching for beer, I now journal, take a walk, or talk to my wife. Why not try spending 5 minutes a day learning to meditate?
Thirdly, if you’ve found a source of support you can trust, book a call to learn more.
4. Take that first step
I did all of the above things when I was really unwell. It took a while, but now I feel great, better than I have ever done as an adult.
If you want to do one thing today, take that first step and change something to improve your mental health. Choose one of the ideas above, understanding your motivations, learning about mental health and increasing self-awareness. Allocate time to learn how to do these things, and your mental health will benefit.
If you want personalised guidance using the best of the non-drug mental health scientific evidence to master your mind long term, click for a free conversation.
Until next week
Best wishes Ed
When you’re ready, I have two ways to help.
1. My 1:1 Coaching is for you if you have a concerns about your mental health, don’t want to try medications (or are on them and they aren’t working), but don’t know what to do next. I can suggest an individualised plan which is acceptable to you. Click for a free 1:1 call to learn more.
2. My Men’s Mind Compass is a holistic look at your life and mental health. I show you where you can make improvements to the 10 key areas to improve your mental health, and will support you regularly through this process. Click for a free 1:1 call with me to explore more.
References:
| REFERENCES: A: Improving Mental Health Service Utilization Among Men: A Systematic Review and Synthesis of Behavior Change Techniques Within Interventions Targeting Help-Seeking https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6560805/ B: Mind, 2021 https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/our-policy-work/reports-and-guides/get-it-off-your-chest-a-report-on-men-s-mental-health/ |
| C: Suicide data: https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/suicide-facts-and-figures/latest-suicide-data/ |