Make the amazing habits stick, and release the destructive ones
One of the problems many men have is making the good habits stick, and letting the bad ones go. You know what to do to improve your mental health long term without meds, but the problem is how.
Today I’m going to be talking about how to do this, and make the habits stick, so you’re able to regain control of your mental health
Let’s go.
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1. You need to change YOU
At the heart of improving mental health permanently is changing who you are – moving from someone who is depressed, anxious, out of control, to someone who is content and fulfilled by their life.
The difficulty is we’re surrounded by information which tells us to do things like ‘drink Kombucha’, ‘do this one thing to get a 6 pack’ and ‘buy the latest smartwatch to monitor your fitness goals.’ But we know doing these things won’t really get us to where we want to be. Short term thinking doesn’t work.
You’re stuck, and men are stuck – You do something for a few days, but you can’t get any further, or you give up. I know many men who have problems with mental health exercise regularly, but still can’t get out of the rut. You may know what to do to get and stay mentally healthy, but our lives and physiology want us to choose quick fixes (and quick failures). This quick failures make us feel bad & put us back in the rut.
2. Why you fail to change YOU.
There are three reasons I’m going to look at here. It’s all to do with where we focus our attention and effort. It’s generally going in the wrong place.
Identity not Outcomes
I want to be mentally well is a common call from men. But what does this mean? We all want to be mentally well. But why?
For me, I want to be able to enjoy life, being in nature, being outside, playing with my children, being a good husband and able to help others. I’m creative, empathetic, values-driven, kind.
To be all of the above, I need to be mentally well. My identity is all the things above. The outcome I need to do this is to be mentally healthy.
Slow Healing not Quick Fix
Early progress is invisible – Much like a baby learning to walk, a lot of learning is going on inside- how to control muscles, coordinate, see where your going and why your going there. It’s months of sitting, rolling, falling, and then suddenly, it all happens.
And so it is with mental health. Any one change may help eventually, but it takes months to get there if you do it regularly. You have to wait for the effects of the change to permeate you.
Systems not Goals
How do I do all of the above – keeping going with healthy behaviours?
I find ways of making it easier.
I’ll talk more about this next week, but I find ways to make sure things are more likely to happen than not. My personal examples include:
I wanted to stop drinking alcohol – I didn’t have any in the house, didn’t buy any, didn’t go to pubs & got hold of alcohol free alternatives. I socialise over lunch and dinner now.
Learning to relax – each morning I would wake up and do a 5 minute meditation exercise from an app like Headspace
Exercise – I go for a run each Saturday morning. I just get up and do it, no thinking, running clothes on just go.
Drinking water – First thing I drink 500ml of water before feeding the cats, emptying the dishwasher and then moving onto my morning stretching.
3. You can now start to change YOU
If you combine the approach when focusing on identity, slow healing and supportive systems, you will gradually notice the change. Being 1% better each day, rather than 1% worse. The changes accumulate. Choose to a happier self, rather than a sadder one. Offer a solution that transforms the situation.
Want to start now? Try this approach:
Ask yourself the following:
In 5 years, what do I want my life to be like?
If you had a time machine & you could drop into that life, what would have happened for it to be like that?
What will you be like? What will you be doing?
What is the easiest step you can take to get going on that journey?
Choose one thing only.
Then make a checklist for yourself – each day, tick it off for 1 month, 2 months. Congratulate yourself. If you didn’t do it one day, it doesn’t matter, just learn why & do it the next.
Once you’re doing it without thinking, think…
What is the next easiest step?
And so on….
4. You be you
If you want to speak to me to try these processes, please click through and have a free conversation with me to Master you Mind.
If you want to go it alone – take a look at James Clear’s Atomic Habits – it’s a great book and is packed full of more tips like this. I’d really recommend it.
Until next week
Best wishes
Ed
P.S. I’m creating a new online resource for men to help their mental health. Want early access? Would you mind completing this 15 second survey. Thanks.
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