Back at Square One: What Burnout Taught Me the Second Time Around

As I write this, I find myself back at the beginning.
Exhausted. Irritable. Foggy-headed. Fed up.

It feels uncannily like my major burnout six years ago. Somehow, I’ve landed on the biggest snake on the Snakes and Ladders board again—cruelly sent back to square one.

And I find myself asking: how has this happened—again?
I’m writing about my personal current experiences of burnout, and what I’m doing to move forwards.

The shoulds are back…

The “shoulds” start creeping in:

Surely by now I should have cracked how to look after myself? Shouldn’t I be showing the way, not slipping back? Helping my family, not holding them back?

It’s seductive to think recovery is a straight line. That self-awareness locks the door on future struggles. But life doesn’t work like that. It throws curve balls. Illness. Loss. Pressure. And slowly, quietly, our systems start to overload again.

Why This Happens (Even When You Know Better)

Relapse isn’t failure. It’s often the expected (if unwelcome) consequence of accumulated stress, internalised pressure, and overstretched coping systems.

In one well-cited model, burnout is defined by three core symptoms: emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation (becoming numb or cynical), and reduced personal accomplishment (Maslach et al., 2001). These symptoms don’t vanish because you’ve done “the work” before—they return when your load exceeds your recovery.

Even well-paid, high-performing men—especially those juggling family, illness, grief and careers—often hit the wall again. That’s not a moral failing. It’s physics. Brains and bodies get tired. As psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff reminds us, self-compassion isn’t indulgence—it’s necessary for resilience (Neff, 2003).

Add to that the distorted “should” thinking (“I should be better by now”, “I should be helping, not hindering”), and you create a perfect internal storm. This is classic cognitive distortion—a pattern of unhelpful thinking that feels rational, but leads to guilt and shame (Beck, 1976).

Why I’m Resetting

Looking back, a lot of the past year—maybe two—has been painfully up and down.
Another pet died suddenly. A family member’s accident forced big changes. I caught a virus that dragged on for two months. I’ve lost close friends. And work—well, work has quietly become a stress spiral.

And then I caught my reflection and thought: how did I put on this much weight? Am I not being healthy?

But I know the answer: I’ve felt too tired to exercise. Junk food’s crept back in. Eating patterns drifted. And I’ve lost track of routines that used to support me. I’ve not got this right.

So I’ve paused. Not catastrophised. Just paused.

And as I’ve done before, I’ve picked up the pen. Reflective writing reminded me of something I already knew: this isn’t a personal failure. It’s a signal. Time to reset.

Rebuilding from Burnout: The PLUS / MINUS Method

Here’s what I’ve gone back to—a method I call PLUS / MINUS. It’s not perfect. But it helps. I’m doing all of these currently.

+ PLUS: Return to Restorative Routines

Move daily (without pressure)
Walks, bodyweight exercise, or a light run. Short and regular beats intense and unsustainable.
Breathe and downshift
Polyvagal-informed practices like deep breathing or humming can reduce sympathetic overdrive and help rebalance your nervous system (Porges, 2011).
Journal regularly
Even brief reflections lower rumination and activate the prefrontal cortex—boosting emotional regulation (Smyth et al., 1999).
Rebuild social contact
Humans need humans. Even a 10-minute phone call can reduce cortisol levels and buffer stress (Taylor, 2006).
Sleep—a lot
Healing needs downtime. If you’re sleeping 10–12 hours, that’s not laziness—it’s repair.
Track wins and future joys
A quick daily jot: one thing that went well, one thing you’re looking forward to, one insight. This rewires the default negativity bias.
Acknowledge your own needs
This is not selfish. If your core needs go unmet, every role you play—father, partner, professional—suffers. Prioritising them is survival.

– MINUS: Reduce What Drains You

Pause caffeine (yes, really)
I’ve cut coffee for a few weeks—despite the headaches. Chronic caffeine can worsen anxiety and sleep fragmentation, even at moderate doses (Nehlig, 2016).
Notice and meet hunger cues
Skipping meals, then overcompensating with junk food, is a known stress loop. Structured, nutrient-dense meals help rebalance glucose and mood (Jacka et al., 2010).
Hydrate properly
Fatigue and brain fog are often signs of mild dehydration. It’s a simple fix that many overlook.
Step back from chronic stressors
Sometimes the bravest thing is cancelling. What can be postponed, paused, or passed over? The world won’t end.
Unwind the schedule spiral
When work becomes a “mess of stress”, the answer isn’t more productivity—it’s reflection. What’s really essential? Time off can be a thinking space, not a failure.

Final Thought

I’m not writing next week. I need that time—to pause, rest, recalibrate. I’ll be back in two weeks.

But I’d really like to hear from you.

Hit reply.

What resonated today?
What did you used to do that helped, but has slipped?
What might you try again?
I’ll read them all. I’ll reply when I can

Sometimes, naming it is the first step back up the ladder.

Until next time

References

Maslach, C., Schaufeli, W. B., & Leiter, M. P. (2001). Job burnout. Annual Review of Psychology, 52, 397–422.
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250.
Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. International Universities Press.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton.
Smyth, J. M. et al. (1999). Effects of writing about stressful experiences on symptom reduction in patients with asthma or rheumatoid arthritis: A randomized trial. JAMA, 281(14), 1304–1309.
Taylor, S. E. (2006). Tend and befriend: Biobehavioral bases of affiliation under stress. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 15(6), 273–277.
Nehlig, A. (2016). Effects of coffee/caffeine on brain health and disease: What should I tell my patients?. Practical Neurology, 16(2), 89–95.
Jacka, F. N. et al. (2010). Association of Western and traditional diets with depression and anxiety in women. American Journal of Psychiatry, 167(3), 305–311.