Stop replaying the pointless Past. Take control of your future
If you’ve found yourself trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts, memories and behaviours, you’re not alone. Many men face these mental battles daily, reliving past mistakes, failures, or traumas. But what if I told you there’s a way to break free from this cycle and take control of your future?
Today we’ll explore how you learn this cycle of negativity, and how to take advantage.
Let’s go.
1. You’re stuck on repeat
We all have moments where we replay situations in our minds, questioning what we could have done differently. This habit often turns into a vicious loop, where the same negative thoughts and feelings keep coming back, dragging us down. These mental loops can lead to feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and even depression, making it feel like there’s no way out.
2. If you only play one record, you’ll only hear what’s on it
Many men turn to common solutions like ignoring the problem, bottling up emotions, or using distractions like alcohol, work, or endless entertainment. While these might provide temporary relief, they don’t address the root cause. Instead, they can exacerbate the problem, leading to even deeper mental health issues down the road.
Essentially, you try to do the things that are already in your repertoire. Many men turn to common solutions like ignoring the problem, bottling up emotions, or using distractions like alcohol, work, or endless entertainment.
My successful failure
I decided to become a doctor at the age of 24. My motivations were mixed, I wanted to help people, but also I was jealous of the money my friends had at that age, and my fragile self-confidence left me seeking something to boost my ego. Telling people I was a doctor would solve that, or so I thought & the money would help too.
At school & medical school I felt like a failure – struggling with exams and learning. Despite uncovering reasons in my 20s (dyslexia & ADHD) I subsequently retained some of this damage inside. Medical school and subsequent work in hospitals and General Practice was quite traumatising dealing with people’s difficulties which reinforced things.
I was left with thoughts – I’m a failure, I’m not good enough, a feeling of exhaustion, of uselessness, I felt depressed, anxious, broken. Alcohol took some of this away for a few minutes at the weekend, but then it all came roaring back
The problem was this was all taking a toll & I’d spent my life learning how to exist in this way.
My life was stuck on repeat, and I hated the track.
3. You need to get some new records, throw out the old ones
Reading Dr. Joe Dispenza’s “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself,” I’ve learned Hebb’s law – nerves that wire together, fire together. The more we practice being mentally unhealthy, the more we become that state.
Foruntately, the opposite is true. The more we don’t use those cycles, the more we learn new ways of being and you can rewire your brain, change your thought patterns, and free yourself from the cycle of misery.
This approach isn’t just about managing symptoms—it’s about transforming your mind to create lasting change.
Imagine the future you
Try this approach which I have used successfully with myself and clients.
Take half an hour on your own with no distractions and get a notebook out.
Imagine the future version of yourself 5 years from now who is having the best life you can imagine
What are you doing?
What are you saying?
Who are you with?
With do you think?
What do you feel?
How do they behave towards themselves, towards other people?
Then think…
What can I do to start being like that person I am going to become.
Get some ideas down on paper and try one.
The key is, each time to you do something different, that new better you comes a step closer…
Examples from men I’ve worked with:
Smiling at strangers
Join a sports team
Learn to meditate
Pause before speaking
Stopping drinking, taking drugs, watching porn
Being kind and respectful to themselves and others
Finding purpose through joining a youth group & helping others grow. If you can imagine it, you can make it happen.
I’ve done it – it’s taken 4 years & I keep going along this path, but it feels like there’s only 10-20% of the ‘old Ed’ left. I can see when it flares up & I can take steps to redirect it. But I’m a lot happier.
4. Men’s Mind Method
To help you achieve this transformation, I’ve developed my Men’s Mind Method, which incorporates the evidence based Mind Compass and Foundation Five which combines the latest in neuroscience with practical techniques for Masting you Mind.
Click if you want to have a free conversation with me to Master you Mind.
Until next week
Best wishes
Ed
P.S. I’m creating a new online resource for men to help their mental health. Want early access? Would you mind completing this 15 second survey. Thanks.
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When you’re ready, I have two ways to help.
1. My 1:1 Coaching is for you if you have a concerns about your mental health, don’t want to try medications (or are on them and they aren’t working), but don’t know what to do next. I can suggest an individualised plan which is acceptable to you. Click for a free 1:1 call to learn more.
2. My Men’s Mind Compass is a holistic look at your life and mental health. I show you where you can make improvements to the 10 key areas to improve your mental health, and will support you regularly through this process. Click for a free 1:1 call with me to explore more.