Mental health is the mind in absolute terror. Men: shame, Suicide and solutions.
‘Mental heath is a terrorist of the mind.’ I saw this quote on Linked In recently and it got me thinking. It was about men, and suicidality, and Tue 10 September 2024 is World Suicide Awareness Day.
Suicide is a growing crisis among middle-aged men, often exacerbated by longstanding mental health struggles like depression, anxiety, and addiction. Men are three times more likely than women to die by suicide. While addressing mental health challenges may feel overwhelming, evidence shows that taking action can significantly reduce suicide risk and improve well-being.
Today I’m going to talk about a recent evidence summary what it tells us about what makes it more likely that men will attempt suicide and an approach to get out of this.
1. A letter for you doctor…
‘Mental heath is a terrorist of the mind.’ I saw this quote on Linked In recently and it got me thinking. It was about men, and suicidality. Tue 10 September 2024 is World Suicide Awareness Day.
Suicide is a growing crisis among middle-aged men, often exacerbated by longstanding mental health struggles like depression, anxiety, and addiction. Men are three times more likely than women to die by suicide. While addressing mental health challenges may feel overwhelming, evidence shows that taking action can significantly reduce suicide risk and improve well-being.
Today I’m going to talk about a recent evidence summary what it tells us about what makes it more likely that men will attempt suicide and an approach to get out of this.
2. 3D’s : Deny, Disconnect, Dysregulate
In England in 2023/24 – 8.7m people were on antidepressants, an increase of 3.3% (about 15% of the population). Mental health awareness increases daily. Yet the statistics remain the same
SO why is this?
The research suggest men adopt the 3D’s : Deny, Disconnect, Dysregulate
Deny: Male stigma men’s its not OK to express emotions, or admit to mental health problems. This means they sit inside, causing us distress, activating our stress systems, making us ruminate. It may spill out sometimes, or even frequently as bouts of aggression. Men suffer the pain of mental health in isolation, becoming hopeless and feeling trapped
Disconnect: Being a man is about physical and mental strength, control winning and earning money. Or so we’re told. Of course, all of us will fail to do these things at various points of our lives. This view of masculinity is rigid, inflexible and self-damaging. We feel fear and shame, even if we cannot name those things. We believe we fail as a man. Suicide makes sense in this context, we are taking control of the situation, removing the weakness.
Dysregulate: Real men solve their own problems, relying on others is weakness. This negative view on masculinity means we don’t speak to friends, family, our spouses about how we feel. We suffer alone. We don’t seek help, as we don’t trust anyone else, and seeking help makes us weak. This loneliness and isolation means we see ourselves as a buden on the world. Death by suicide makes sense in this context
My own experiences were the same. I suffered alone, without really realising. I helped my patients, children and wife, but suffered inside, using alcohol and exercise to cope. I thought about suicide daily for months, but was fortunate it never went further.
3. 3R’s approach to recovery – Recognise, Reconnect, Regulate
The evidence suggests a 3 R’s approach to recovery – Recognise, Reconnect, Regulate
If you’re wanting to do this yourself, it recommends
Learning about emotions, what they are, and how to regulate them. James Hawes’ book ‘The Secret Lives of Men’ has some great exercises about this.
Connecting with friends and loved ones – Send a message. Meet up. Tell them you’re struggling.
Having male friends and expressing your masculine self in healthy ways – Sports, hobbies, clubs, games. Whatever you used to do & stopped, get doing it again.
Having good relationships with those you seek help from. Pretty much all professionals want to help, if they can’t they’ll suggest who can.
Seeing the pain of suicidality within the context of your life – Ask yourself, what has been and is good about your life. However small, even the smell of a cup of coffee, a hug from a family member, a walk in a park. Seeing the positive in your life means you start to step from the negatives.
4. Feel alive through Foundation Five
This approach is very similar to my Foundation Five which I use to work with men to overcome their mental health. Body, Mind, Soul, Purpose, Connect.
Body = Move, do things together
Mind = Learn your emotions
Soul = See the pain as something to guide you to learn
Purpose = Learn who you are and express
Connect = Friends, loved ones, share your experiences.
Contact me If you want to have a free conversation with me to Master you Mind and break free from your thoughts.
If anyone reading this is really struggling, I don’t offer an acute service. Please reach out via NHS 111 in the UK, or organisations like the Sarmatians (116 123)
Until next week
Best wishes
Ed
P.S. I’m creating a new online resource for men to help their mental health. Want early access? Would you mind completing this 15 second survey. Thanks.
P.P.S. If you’ve found this helpful, and know someone you feel would benefit from being on the Men’s Mind Monday team, please forward the email to them.
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When you’re ready, I have two ways to help.
1. My 1:1 Coaching is for you if you have a concerns about your mental health, don’t want to try medications (or are on them and they aren’t working), but don’t know what to do next. I can suggest an individualised plan which is acceptable to you. Click for a free 1:1 call to learn more.
2. My new online course, the ‘The Purpose Blueprint: Identify Your Path and Start Living with Meaning’ is being released soon. Sign up here for early, free access.
References:
https://media.nhsbsa.nhs.uk/news/nhs-releases-202324-mental-health-medicines-statistics-for-england
Bennett, S., Robb, K. A., Zortea, T. C., Dickson, A., Richardson, C., & O’Connor, R. C. (2023). Male suicide risk and recovery factors: A systematic review and qualitative meta-synthesis of two decades of research. Psychological Bulletin, 149(7-8), 371–417.