“Am I a Fraud?” — Why Successful Men Still Struggle with This Hidden Mental Health Trap

This week, I want to talk about a feeling that quietly eats away at many men I meet — including me. It doesn’t matter how much you earn, how respected you are in your profession, or how many people admire you.

It’s that quiet, gnawing voice that says: “They’re going to find out I don’t belong here.”

You may know this as Imposter Syndrome — and it’s more common in high-functioning men than you’d expect.

The Meeting That Shook Me

I recently attended a meeting with other professionals working in men’s mental health. This should have been energising — being around others doing incredible work, reflecting on my own progress, and having people genuinely interested in my story.

But… it was hard.

I had headaches, felt sweaty, and couldn’t relax.

The unpredictability, the large crowd, and the dreaded question — “What do you do?” — all sent my nervous system into overdrive.

I felt anxious. I worried whether what I’m doing is really helping. And deep down, the imposter syndrome kicked in.

I’m in the top right…

What Is Imposter Syndrome, Really?

Psychologists define Imposter Syndrome as a persistent internalised fear of being exposed as a fraud — despite clear evidence of success.

Some key symptoms include:

Feeling like your success is down to luck or timing
Difficulty accepting praise
Overworking or procrastinating to avoid being “found out”
Holding yourself to impossibly high standards

A 2020 systematic review by Bravata et al. found that imposter syndrome affects people across age, gender, and profession — including high-achieving men — and is linked to increased anxiety, depression, and burnout (J Gen Intern Med, 2020).

Another study from Cokley et al. (2015) in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found that imposter feelings were strongly correlated with psychological distress — even more than actual performance or self-esteem.

Why Men Are Especially Prone

Many middle-aged men — especially in demanding, well-paid roles — are conditioned to perform, not feel. You’re trained to fix problems, not sit with self-doubt. When you do well, you say it was “nothing.” When you struggle, you internalise it.

That’s exactly what happened to me.

Even after years in this space, I still catch myself describing successes as “lucky breaks,” or shying away when someone says, “That was great work.” The childhood discomfort around praise still lingers. I’ll push through by taking on more, juggling extra projects, chasing the next win.

But at what cost?

Small Habits That Break the Cycle

Here are a few tools that helped me — and are backed by solid evidence:

Name it and claim it — Just identifying “this is imposter syndrome” is powerful. Awareness creates space.
Accept compliments — Literally pause, breathe, and say, “Thank you.” It’s surprisingly difficult — and surprisingly healing.
Journal afterwards — I did this after the meeting. What did I find hard? What was going on under the surface?
Talk to someone — I spoke with my wife (twice!) and a close friend. It helped clear the fog.
Use a role model — Act the part of someone who belongs. Stand tall, speak clearly — even if your inner voice wavers.
Acknowledge your strengths — Write a list. Add to it weekly. Evidence is louder than self-criticism.

More practical tips come from GetSelfHelp UK’s self-esteem toolkit — a great resource to keep bookmarked.

Real Talk: It’s a Process

There’s no overnight fix. But these small practices shift things over time. Less shame. Less self-doubt. More groundedness and energy.

I’m still figuring it out — but I’m no longer trying to “earn my place” every day.

Let’s Talk About Your Version of This

Do you feel like you’re always about to be “found out”? Like the version of you at work is a mask — and it’s getting heavier?

I offer a free, no-pressure 1:1 call where we explore one key issue you’re struggling with. It’s just a conversation — and it might help more than you expect.

Click here to book a Men’s Mind Call

Next week’s post: I’ll be diving into a powerful tool to explore emotional clarity — The Feelings Wheel. Click if you want to sign up to make sure you’ve got access

Until next week

References

Bravata DM, et al. (2020). Prevalence, predictors, and treatment of imposter syndrome: A systematic review. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 35(4), 1252–1275. Link
Cokley KO, et al. (2015). Impostor feelings as a moderator and mediator of the relationship between perceived discrimination and mental health. Personality and Individual Differences, 86, 192–196.
Get Self Help UK. (n.d.). Self-help for low self-esteem. Link